Montag, 23. Januar 2012

Every day...

It is 6 a.m. It is monday. A new day, a new week in the still new year.
I wanted everything to be different. I wanted it to change and even more I wanted to change myself.
But even if the calendar´s date changed, everything still remains the same.
I wake up every morning feeling numb, having a lump in my throat. Just wanting to stay in bed, snuggle with my pillow and immerse in a world of dreams, where everything seems to be better, to be easier.
But anyhow I have to get up, get ready, put on my happy face and pretend.
Pretend that everything is fine, that I feel good and that I have everything under control.
Pretend to be someone I´m not. Smiling while I really want to cry. Talking about senseless things while I want to scream out that I feel like crap.
I really wish it wouldn´t have to be like this. I wish I could just pull myself together, be grateful for what I have and live the life that was given to me.

I mean, maybe I could actually be the person I pretend to be, the person I long for to be.
If I would just stop complaining and stop feeling sorry for myself?
Maybe this is the time to fight the battle of whether I will go on vegetate in the restrictions I imposed upon myself or if I will finally start living the life that I crave for so much.
Maybe...but at least I will not stop trying every day, every week, every year.

Musik: Oh Land-Release me

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